S is overwhelmed.  The turmoil and blasts explosions around him has negatively affected his ability to be decisive. S is seeking for a quiet and calm moment to organize his life together and be clear about the motives of the journey. He is roaming around without a specific goal apart from knowing who he is. He is seeking for his identity perceived by his surrounding. However, he also can’t possibly can’t contemplate his existence anyways. He sees an old guard going to use a gun but it was aimed at the river instead of him. S. is just feeling furious.

In the marginalia, Eric and Jen just have a discussion that is tangential to the context when VMS is talking about how the turmoil is disorienting S and his ability to make decision. Eric talks about Desjardins’ note to him and relates it to an assumption that desjardin was feeling overwhelmed and indecisive.

HEY-REREAD DESJARDINS’ NOTE TO ME. DOESN’T IT SOUND LIKE THIS WAS HOW HE WAS FEELING?

Jen mentions sarcastically that despite the indecisiveness, Eric was trusted and that was an irrational action.

Like he couldn’t decide which of his students he could trust. So he trusted you. which-let’s face it-was totally irrational.

They just further their conversation about this topic.