Ah how I’ve been enjoying these past few weeks.  While things at home with Alexi have not been going well, I have started to appreciate the city and everything it has to offer.  Vronsky and I enjoy life to the fullest and have honestly stopped caring about what my wretched husband thinks.  Now that I have become noticeably pregnant, I must find fabulous outfits to show it off.  He takes me shopping up and down fifth avenue, we have racked up quite a bill at Bergdorfs and have really started living the life.  Vronsky is very happy about the pregnancy, I, on the other hand, find it annoying and a pain (in both senses of the word.)

I am still waiting to see what Alexi does about the divorce.  Just the other day he and I got in a fight over the emails between Vronsky and me.  He wanted me to print them out and show them too him.  However, I refused.  There was no way I was going to allow him to see such personal information.  He stormed out of the room and made some very secretive phone call in his office.  I truly hope he was talking to a lawyer.  As much as I do not want to be ruined and shunned by all of our friends, I do not think that I can spend much more time in this house! None!

Anyways, after taking a trip to the kitchen for a glass of wine, I returned to study and found a print out of one of the emails sitting in the printer.  That bastard hacked into my PRIVATE email account and printed out my correspondences with Vronsky.  I should sue him!

Well, I’ll keep you updated once I figure out what the bastard is up too!

While I am happy the I told Karenin about the affair and how much I hate him, it has made home unmanagable.  I really want to leave, but cannot fathom life without Sergei.  I wish that Alexi would make up his mind about the divorce.  I do not want to ruin him, nor our family reputation, but I cannot imagine living in this appartment with him for much longer.

I try and get out more, Vronsky and I go out to eat a lot, stay in hotels and live the life. We went to this great resturant, Pastis, the other day.  It just opened in the meat packing district and was kind of like a moderinzed french Bistro.

We also have been frequenting the theater, seeing all of the new plays and musicals.  Personally I really enjoyed Spring Awakening and Avenue Q, they were just so refreshing and new!!  Alexi never liked going to the theater.  He thought it a horrible pastime, a waste of time and pointless.  He prefers to sit around, philosophize and read.  While these are all fun, I really need some mmore entertaining company.

I AM PREGNANT!

and Vronsky is the father.  what a wonderful gift this is, maybe we can be a real family now, Vronsky, Sergei, the baby and I!

I don’t even know where to begin.  As I predicted, the steeple chase today did not go well.  What started off as a fairly tight race turned into a disaster.  Vronsky was keeping up with the predicted winner and everything seemed to be going well.  I had my eyes on him the entire time.  All of a sudden, at the end of the race I saw his horse start to tire and feared for the worst.

Then it happened, the horse collapsed and I was so worried for him.  The entire race stopped, I start crying and couldn’t control myself.  I realized how much I need him in my life!  There were a couple of moment where I thought he had died, and I felt like a part of me had died as well.  It was so unnerving not to know what had happened to him.

Luckily Vronsky wasn’t seriously injured and was able to walk away.  His horse did not fare as well.  The poor thing had to be shot! It broke its back and there was nothing they could do for it.

Alexi told me that I needed to leave the races with him and that my outburst was inappropriate and that I should try and control myself more. Neither of which I agree with.  Hopefully there will be some sort of resolution soon.  I can’t stand this anymore.  Alexi is so insufferable.

It’s here, again.  The weekend I dread.  We are going to Saratoga Springs for the annual horse race.  Vronsky is racing and I am so scared.  The steeplechase is notorious for being very dangerous, and the way he talks about his horse worries me.  It apparently is very fragile and not doing well.

I’ll keep you updated while were away!

Anna

I never thought the affair would last this long…

But last week Vronsky and I went on a weekend long adventure to rural Vermont.  He arranged for us to stay in a private bed and breakfast near the mountains.  It was a spectactular trip.

He arrived one afternoon, before our usual walk, and told me to pack an overnight bag.  Worried about Sergei, Alexi and the rest of society, I told him that there was no way i could go away this weekend.  Insisting that he had taken care of everything, Vronsky told me I had no choice, and if I didn’t go with him, he was never going to see me again.  Fearing for the worst, I rushed to my closet, grabbed the first clothes I could find and got ready for a weekend adventure.  We took a cab to the grand central station, and boarded a private first class car.  I had absolutely no idea where we were going.

After a short nap and reading a couple of pages in my lasted guilty pleasure “chicklit” book, the scenery started become more and more colorful.  All of a sudden we pulled into a station and got off the train in VERMONT!

We arrived at the Henry House Inn in Bennington, VT and had a wonderful time.  Using the NYTimes Guide to Bennington, we enjoyed everything there was to do.

Coming back to Manhattan was just so disappointing.  I wish we could live in our own little world (with Sergei of course) for the rest of our lives.

Anna

*Updated via Verizon Blackberry*

I’m on my way to Dolly and Stepan’s in the midst of rush hour traffic. It is ludicrous that it will take me hours to reach an apartment on the Upper West Side; even though the cab driver has been told it is an emergency we are at a standstill. Unfortunately he doesn’t know the shortcuts Michael does- but I’d already sent Michael off to pick up Sergei at St. John’s. No matter, the ride will give me more time to sort through all of this.

I am not quite sure what to expect upon arriving. Stepan warned me that Dolly has been withdrawn these past few days… I’m not sure how he thinks I can fix everything but I’ve got to put in an appearance and give some support. Knowing Stepan he has gone and made a mess of things. Even though he must be feeling awful about the whole situation and the affair I’ll bet he hasn’t found the words to set things right. And Dolly! The woman has never done anything on her own; she has been attached to Stepan since he escorted her at her debutant ball and has had more than enough work in their home to keep her there. I love them both so much; hopefully with marriage counseling and a new nanny we can get this resolved in a few months. I feel so sorry for them! There isn’t anything I can say that will console her, nor can I defend him. If only they still love each other somehow…