Since this year began it hasn’t really hit me that I am a senior in college. When the school year started I pushed away any sadness and anxiety I felt that this is my last year at Middlebury because I kept telling myself that 9 months was a long time and so there was really no use in thinking about it too much. I spent the past two months enjoying the weather (it has truly been the most beautiful fall I have experienced in Vermont), working on my thesis, and pushing off any and all thoughts of job applications and my future. However, now that it is the first week of November and there are officially more leaves on the ground than there are on the trees, the blissful ignorance that I have been enjoying up until this point is no longer a sustainable mindset with which I can operate in.
This past weekend I attended my final Middlebury Panthers Football game as a Midd kidd, I handed in the first section of my History thesis, and I checked an item off my my senior year bucket list, which seems to be growing longer and less doable everyday. This week I will be registering for my last semester of college classes and attending Middlebury’s 200 days party (a party that celebrates the fact that seniors only have 200 days left until graduation.) Pretending I’m not graduating has ceased to be possible, and though I am sad and anxious about life after Middlebury, I still believe it is way to soon to give into those worries. I want to change my attitude and embrace my senior year without only thinking about the fact that it is my last year of college. I want to take advantage of Middlebury and do as much as I can, while acknowledging that my bucket list will never be completed– and that’s okay! Ultimately, I want to try and find the balance between enjoying the next 200 days and living my life here at Middlebury to the fullest, while still being able to reflect on the fact that these are my last 200 days of college and that should be factored into how I approach them.
Wish me luck!