I feel in a daze. My heart longs for Seriozha! I did not realize how emotional seeing him would be. This is terrible I love him so much.  Oh, here is this beautiful picture of him.  Now he is thinner, longer, he has grown so much.  I missed out on all of who he is. For what? Oh for Vronsky. He is beautiful too. But does he love me unconditionally?  He is the one who put me in this state of misery.  Even though we love each other I cannot understand why he is not her to share in my unhappinness. I am not sure that he even loves me anymore.  I mean,  we are not even sleeping together! Oh no, have I given up Seriozha for the love of a man who may have stopped loving me!  But I love him. I love Vronsky.

Oh gosh, I have to go.  The nanny has handed me Ani. Oh this terrible little girl. I hate when her little pink face smiles at me.  I guess I must go care for her.  But it is not the same as Seriozha.  I care for him so intensely and deeply, I love him so much.  This little girl is just a burden.

AK