We stay in this aparment unhappy.  We are not happy in this love as we used to be, but we are not unhappy.  We simply drift along, our hearts tearing with each movement.  It is best to move as little as possible.  We can’t stay in the city- but we can’t leave.  We want to be together and be happy, but it isn’t working. No, it has to work. We can make it work.  All you need is love, right?

Alexei loves women. I knew this. I love it about him- his passionate nature, his interests and loves- they all revolve around a social life that includes women.  But I just have to make him see that my love is the greatest, the best he can ever know.  I have to make him see that I give the greatest love of all- that he couldn’t find this anywhere else. I am right in this.  He claims he loves me- but he can’t love me as much as I do him, he simply cant.

Although, he does seem to love me less.  He doesn’t wind his limbs with mine when we read in bed or watch a movie together on the couch.  He doesn’t hold my hand out on walks or come up behind me with a hug while I make his drinks or fix his breakfast.  He doesn’t use the nicknames we have or try to tickle me.  Where has all this affection gone? It has to have gone somewhere.  Who is getting it? What woman or women are getting his love- the love that belongs to me- I alone am deserving of this.  I don’t know, I don’t know.  I will find out.

He is so complacent.  Gone are the days when he brought me little surprises or when he made me my favorite desserts.  He doesn’t think of me- he comes home and if he hugs me before checking his messages it is a familiar hug- there is no passion in in.