by Afsaana Rashid
–Indian-administered Kashmir–
Multiple forms of domestic violence compel Sayeeda Chisti, mother of four and a resident of the village of Kona Gabra, to abandon her native place and seek ‘refuge’ in the city. Tossed between post and pillar, the middle-aged woman struggles to find a shelter above her head.
Domestic violence in the Kashmir valley is ever rising. Sayeeda is one among scores of women who face grave violence at the hands of none other than their own family members.
Sayeeda’s husband, Abdul Qayoom Bhat, a forest guard by profession, closed the doors of his house to her a decade ago. “He wanted a second marriage and was always demanding dowry. Consequently, he tortured me off and on until one day he drove me out of his house and I was literally on streets,” narrates Sayeeda.
Telling the woeful tale, she recollects that she used to sleep in a cowshed and was not allowed to speak to her children. “I was offered no food to eat. I lived on the mercy of my neighbors.”
Generally, due to social stigma women do not dare to speak against domestic violence. Courts, police stations, and laws are not women friendly. Often police stations do not recognize domestic violence as a serious issue and not many women register such complaints.
“I couldn’t file complaint in the police station as it was corrupt and would never listen to my pleas. As such, I was helpless,” says Sayeeda, whose eldest son was in class 7th and her youngest daughter was just four years old when her husband drove her out of the house.
Sayeeda was 16 when she married Bhat. “I was studying when my elder brother wanted to marry. His in-laws agreed on the condition that I get married in their family. This was a custom in the village continues even now. Without seeking my consent the marriage took place.”
Sayeeda shares that she and her husband had good relations for a couple years. “Later the relationship got strained. He demanded a share in my fathers’ property and other luxuries that my family, intentionally or unintentionally, didn’t comply with. I explained the situation to my father, who was willing to help, but my brothers pressured him not to intervene. As a result, I was shown the door at my in-laws house.”
Consequently, Sayeeda went to her father’s place in Zeerhama in north Kashmir’s Kupwara district. “There I stayed for 10 years. But my condition didn’t improve.” Despite women having the right to inherit property under Sharia law, not many women are offered this right. Those who demand it are usually labeled rebels.
Sayeeda was denied a share in her father’s property that comprises 162 kanals. Her share according to Sharia law is about 33 kanals (32.4 approximately). “My brothers forcibly made my father distribute the property among brothers only.”
Having no support, no food, and no money to sustain herself Sayeeda engaged with handicraft and sewing work. “I had saved some earnings out of it, but they snatched that away from me too. Whatever I had earned and saved for myself they snatched it all.”
The night when she left her fathers’ place, Sayeeda recollects, “It was on the first day of the month of Ramadan in August when I was forced to leave the house. Almost all my family members thrashed me on that day. My husband used to also come over to torture me. My right arm was fractured and I left the place.” Since her husband’s sister was married in to Sayeeda’s brother, he had free entry to her father’s home.
Finding no hope to survive in the village, Sayeeda decided to move to the city. “I left the house empty-handed. Initially, I spent my days and nights in mosques and shrines and with distant relatives.”
One day Sayeeda came across a distant relative who was well-settled in city. “He offered me space to live for some days. Somehow, my family came to know about it and they threatened him. But he helped me to register a complaint against them at women police station in Srinagar.”
One lone women’s police station for the entire Kashmir division of the state of Jammu and Kashmir has been set up in response to violence against women.
Many women back in Sayeeda’s village face the same fate, including Sayeeda’s daughter who contacted her when she was going to face almost the same future as her mother did.
“Basically, my father wanted to go for second marriage but no one wanted to marry him due to the torture he had inflicted on his first wife. Finally, one family agreed on the condition that I would be married in that family, in exchange. My father agreed,” recalls Sayeeda’s daughter. “Consent of women for marriage isn’t bothered to be sought at all.”
Sayeeda chips in “I am over excited to see [my daughter], but my happiness would see no bounds if all my children were with me. I have lived for decades without them. Now [my daughter and I] chat for hours together and share our experiences.” The duo shares the apprehension that if their family members find them, they would torture them severely and forcibly marry Sayeeda’s daughter.
In March 2000, the State Commission for Women was established in Jammu and Kashmir. Its 2008-09 report states that out of 126 cases handled by the commission that year, only 15 were resolved. These cases related to dowry, harassment, divorce, desertion, domestic violence, maintenance, custody of children, and fraud.
Dr. Khurshid-ul-Islam, sociologist and author of “The Institution of Marriage in Kashmir,” tells me, “Women have been unfortunately discriminated [against] throughout history. Normally, we don’t allow her to make decisions. She is casually taken care of.”
Regarding the rights of women, he says, “We start eroding them the day she is born.”
Mostly, domestic violence in Kashmir takes place within four walls of the house. Women face this violence irrespective of their social, economic, and professional status. Due to the social stigma attached to it, victims of domestic violence do not speak up against it in public.
There are cases where women have committed suicide because of such violence, and many deaths have taken place due to demands for dowry. Despite innumerable laws available, women here continue to suffer. They lack a role in decision making and their right to property.
In addition to stringent laws and strict enforcement of rules, a strong women network is required to fight this ever-growing social menace. We are in need of the hour that women themselves stand up and speak for themselves. No overnight solutions are possible till they assert themselves and fight for the cause.
About the Author:
Afsaana Rashid is a journalist living in Indian-administered Kashmir and the author of Waiting for Justice: Widows and Half Widows, a book that addresses the plight of many women whose husbands have been subjected to enforced disappearance or custodial killings over the past two decades of Kashmir’s conflict. She received her Masters in Mass Communication and Journalism from the University of Kashmir.
Thank you, Afsaan. This article makes me very greatful for the various support systems, networks, organizations, and advocacy groups against domestic violence in the United States. I agree that a strong women’s network would be a catalyst for change in Kashmir. I am curious, do the women of Kashmir have access to social media and the internet? Based on the recent uprising and various grassroots movements over the years, perhaps there is an opportunity for dramatic social change through social media and networks.