What Color is Peace?

My mom died on May 4th, 2009.
It was not unexpected, but we thought, we believed that she would last for another day or two… or three, maybe even a week. My mom was stubborn. She would hold on sometimes just to make you angry. And as we found out, even in her deepest pain, she would always try and be in control. She was tormented, struggling, and not at all content with the world. My mom had dementia. She did not die in peace.

I will not raise my children to kill another mother’s child.
CODEPINK Mother’s Day 2009

• Photograph by Kelly Van Pelt. Courtesy of CODEPINK. •

I was in a car with my three best girlfriends; Karen, Amy and Frances. We were driving down to DC, for the CODEPINK Mother’s day event, looking truthfully, for a shock of peace.
I needed peace.
I longed for it.
Mother’s Day means an awful lot to me. Not in the traditional sense, where one brings flowers and candies and sits around the dining table, telling or sharing stories. No, Mother’s Day is a day I observe, take in and do what I have done for many years: I promise myself to take the worst of any experience, the bluest of any sadness, and any and all conditional love, along with the kaleidoscope of instilled fear, and I make a promise – a vow – that as a woman, a grown woman, I will engrave those actions that caused such sadness and discomfort and fear, I will engrave them deep in my soul, and I will never do that to another person, male or female. Ever. We learn from the pain, the sorrow, the suffering, the tragic, and the thoughtless. We must, it is our opportunity, and it is our responsibility.
As a young woman, I was often huddled with a few of my girlfriends listening to Laura Nyro or Joni Mitchell, or Carol King. Oh my God, Tapestry. Every goddesses dream. I wanted to be Carol, and Joni and most definitely Laura. Come on, who didn’t want to be them? These were my idols. They were passionate and vibrant and had a sense of mission and used their life and voice to be heard, to be heard loudly. They were bold, audacious, humanity at it’s best, and each a mother.

• The peace quilt. Courtesy of CODEPINK. •

There in the park in DC, with the White House in full view, were many, many women sitting, kneeling: sewing together 8,000 hand-knitted pink squares that were shipped, mailed from all over the world. Each square crocheted, or knit by many, many other women in order to create this gorgeous tapestry, this massive afghan.
All these women – from all walks of life; shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee.
One of my fondest memories of my mom is when she and her friends would sit around and knit. It seemed that in those few hours they shared their woes, they solved their problems, they spilled a couple of secrets, they found great humor, and solace and comfort, and there, among those women — a profound connection that could only be found in the bond between them. It seemed to me that women could accomplish anything once they put their minds (and knitting needles) to it.
A memory of my mom that I deeply longed for, but witnessed again this Mother’s Day in Washington, DC.
CODEPINK inspires, encourages and ignites a spark so that every woman can stand up and use their voice: No more War, Period. No more violence against women. Period. No more rape or ravaging or disrespect. Period. Period. Period. No more going deaf, dumb and blind at the sight of a woman trying to make her life just a hint better. No more settling. No more. No more pitting our strengths and gifts against each other. No more.
To stand shoulder to shoulder, to reconnect, to renew, to reestablish our passion and our place in the world, to not step back, to not step aside, but to step forward, to carry ourselves with the grace and dignity and determination to say NO to WAR, NO to Hate Crimes, NO to Injustice, NO to Intolerance, NO to Violence against … well, all life, NO to Insufficient Health Care. NO to taking away the basic rights that all people have the absolute right to have.

• The peace quilt. Courtesy of CODEPINK. •

I saw the color of peace: in the beautiful eyes of Medea, the gorgeous red hair of Jodi, the radiant skin of Alma, the fury and passion of Farah, the joyous smile of Ann Wright, and in the sheer beauty of Nita Evele. I saw peace in the eyes and smiles and laughter and passion and determination and compassion of every single woman (and man and child) that was there.
I saw peace. I felt peace. It grabbed me.
And while watching all these glorious, magnificent women knitting and talking and singing and smiling and dancing and chanting:

I will not raise my children to kill another mother’s child.
I will not raise my children to kill another mother’s child.
I will not raise my children to kill another mother’s child.

I could once again imagine my own mother – with her girlfriends, sitting in a circle, knitting, — when she was full of life, happy and determined and filled with great passion, and for that alone I am irrefutably grateful.
The women at CODEPINK are extraordinary, putting their profound mission and courage where their mouth is.

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Amy Ferris is an author, screenwriter and editor. She is on the Women’s Media Center Advisory Board, the Executive Board of Directors at Peters Valley Arts, Education & Craft Center, and is a consultant/advisor to The Women’s Education Center.
Amy’s new book, a memoir: Marrying George Clooney – Confessions From A Midlife Crisis is coming out Fall 2009, Seal Press is publishing.