A year ago, I started planning big life changes. I was going to leave my job, sell my house, and do something else. I didn’t know what that something else was, but I knew I wanted it. I considered many options, and realized that what I really wanted was to not feel tied down and obligated to so many things that didn’t make me happy. I wanted to be in place where I could be my truest self and I could reconnect with the dreams I’d left behind.
Today I have a new job, I just bought a new condo, and in many ways I am disappointed in myself that I haven’t made more radical changes. My new job is far too much like my old job: long hours, unending demands, and too much stress. I’m sad and angry for all the things I miss out on when I’m working, all of the things I don’t have the time or energy to do. And yet, if I’m completely honest with myself, I am also part of the problem. I can’t say “no” and I can’t leave things unfinished.
This spring is what I am considering a new beginning. I recently purchased a new place to live. My original plan was to buy an historic fixer upper and spend months renovating it to the point of perfection. With my current life and job, I had to accept that this wasn’t realistic. So I bought a condo. A lovely, light-filled, spacious space with walk-in closets. Before I moved in, I planned to make a long list of aesthetic changes. Then I caught myself and realized that the space does not have to be perfect from the moment I move in. I own it. I can take months or years to achieve my creative vision. What I need to do to make my life better in this moment, is to move in. The small apartment with poor lighting that I’ve been renting for the last five months had a plumbing failure today. I believe this was the universe reinforcing my decision to move sooner rather than later.
To hold myself accountable, I signed up for an online class with GoMighty titled, “Identifying Your Goals: Make a Life List with GoMighty.” Tonight at the laundromat, I made my preliminary life list. The last – and most important – goal on my life list is, “Make myself, my happiness, and my health my number one priority.” It’s going to be a lot of work to get there. But an earlier goal on my list is, “Write an In Line for Popcorn with Jessica Mosby column each week.” I plan to write about my progress here. This will, of course, include lots of talk about movies as seeing movies and meeting filmmakers is one of the things that makes me happiest in life.
When I lie at bed at night and focus on the things that make me happiest, I envision nesting in my new place. I think about writing in my light-filled office. I see myself walking my dog by the water that I see from bedroom window. I see a place where I can take a step back so I can finally move forward.
In Line for Popcorn with Jessica Mosby is a column about film, literature, culture, initiating change, living a life of “yes,” and everything in between. #inlineforpopcorn
I recently came across a quote one of our contributors has on her website. It reads, “If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.” Your post reminds me of all the pressure we place on our selves – pressure we probably would never place on our loved ones… I look forward to much more of you in line for popcorn on The WIP!