Category Archives: Miranda

I can recall thinking that the day would be mediocre. I was lagging that morning; two cups of coffee simply did not cut it. I was in a bad mood despite being able to see the beautiful countryside during our van ride to our destination. The road, like many others we had traveled, was mostly dirt; every dip in in the road made me hold on to the seat in front of me so that I would not crush the person sitting next to me. My back was starting to ache from all the bouncing, which brought back memories of a terrible head on-collision I was in when I was 20 years old. I thought about my body before the accident and how I could endure the most uncomfortable arrangements for long periods of time, but now I had become a complainer. I imagined all the accidents that happen to locals while they rode in packed Jeepneys, vans, and motorbikes and even when they walk on the sides of the road day or night. This napped me out of feeling sorry for myself. Eventually we arrived at our destination.

We were able to meet with an organization that promotes peace in a particular Tri community; Moros, Christians and Indigenous people. The person that provided an overview of their organization’s history and the approaches they use to create peace was amazing and truly inspiring. This was an awesome example of rural community’s ability to organize at the grassroots level and empower community members.  We were fortunate enough to spend several hours in this community understanding what makes this peace zone special. Towards the end of the day I asked about trauma healing in regards to the discussion we were having specifically on the topic of Rido. For those who are unfamiliar of this phenomenon, they are essentially clan conflicts, which tend to be cyclical and result in various forms of retaliation including murder. The person’s response was shocking and emotional. Clearly this person had suffered vicarious trauma from working with families trying to resolve clan conflicts. I became teary eyed when I saw this person’s sadness, and the sense of futility when they shared personal accounts of progress made with families, only to have the process of healing crushed by the need for retribution. How does one break this cycle of violence? It looks so complicated and hopeless from an outsider’s perspective. Such challenging work. It is amazing to see community members continuing to try and resolve these incredibly complex issues.

As a person who likes to think of themselves as somewhat culturally competent and sensitive to the diverse needs of communities, I realized I carried with me to the Philippines many western centric views of mental health recovery. I became “that person” thinking trauma heeling needed to be offered to everyone right then and there. I realized that a person cannot successfully work through their trauma if they continue to experience distressing incidents on a regular basis. This appeared to be the case with many folks in Mindanao. With the frequent occurrences of violence, displacement, or inability to feed ones family; how can one possibly cope with their trauma when they remain in survival mode and are likely to be retraumatized in the near future? I also assumed there was an appropriate response to dealing with sadness and discomfort. A phenomenon we talked a lot about on the trip was the “uncomfortable laugh”. Initially many of us were perplexed as to why someone would start to laugh when a heavy topic was discussed. This laugh did not come from the belly, but resonated in the form of a low snicker. It seemed to have a chain reaction as well. Someone would start laughing and look at another person, triggering the other person’s laughter. I know from personal experience as a youth, I sometimes would express my tension and discomfort in the form of a quiet laugh or smile. Sometimes this made situations worse, especially if my disciplinary figure believed I was trivializing the seriousness of the situation. I thought I had outgrown this response, but now that I think about it, I laughed the other day in a class when I was presented with uncomfortable information. My projections of appropriate vs. inappropriate behavioral responses disappeared after I observed someone telling me their experience of responding to a natural disaster. They shared horrific details about the things they saw and the work they were asked to do. I was finally able to see past this smile and hear their trauma.

I am experiencing doubt about the topic I originally wanted to research, which is trauma healing. There is so much I want to know but more specifically I would like to know how Filipinos have worked through the psychological and emotional effects of violence, especially when there have been so many incidents of violent conflicts, battles and displacement of citizens. Strangely enough, I have not heard much about the topic with the exception of a couple of buzzwords like social healing, psychosocial healing etc. The times I have tired to inquire about the methods being used I get many of the same responses. One particular person the group visited and spoke with made mention to social healing and how to heal the “psychological wounds of war and conflict”. This person talked about the need to heal the heart and the mind before someone can find peace, but that basic needs must first be met before this process can happen. Sounds like common sense and the natural stages of healing but when I tried to solicit more information about specific practices, I was given a vague answer. It is still the beginning of the trip so I have to remain hopeful despite hearing so little on the matter.

I have arrived! I hate to jinx myself but I had almost no complications with the flight; I wish all my other travels could have been this smooth. The first thought I had once I reached Mindanao was, this looks familiar. I saw tropical terrain and green everywhere. On the busy crowed roads, I often saw more than two passengers on a single motorbike, chaotic traffic, incessant honking of horns and street dogs. It seemed as if there is no apparent method to driving here. Rules do not seem to apply; it is a free for all. Strangely enough there seemed to be synchronicity and we managed to succeed in reaching the hotel. I could already feel beads of seat gathering around my forehead, and that noticeable moist feeling between your forearm and bicep. I was greeted with a hug from my professor, given my room info and told the time we would meet once the rest of the students had arrived. She was

a mind reader; she had a large bottle of water with her and handed it to me with a smile. I was told to get some rest and that we would be meeting at 7 pm. I lugged my backpack up the flights of stairs and entered my room. There I saw my roommate laying on the bed in the dark. The thought of sleep entered my mind but I quickly abandoned this idea, how could I sleep after arriving to a new land, I wanted to explore! I asked her why she was in bed when she could be out exploring. She sick without medicine. As I started un packing the thought of shower crossed my mind, but I realized I had forgot to pack shampoo ( I always forget something!). This was it, my chance to meander around the neighborhood, and looking for a pharmacy. I dodged cars, motorcycles and pedestrians; I was on a mission. As I walked from sidewalk to sidewalk I smelled the faint aroma of fried food, mixed with vehicle exhaust in the humid air. I began to see fried chicken everywhere, not something I necessarily crave on a hot day. After completing my mission at the pharmacy, out of desperation I purchased two pieces for 40 pesos. I practically inhaled them when once I returned to my room. While I sat on my bed I reflected, is this place really that dangerous, it seemed so calm, and I felt safe. Funny the initial thoughts we have. I wonder how I will feel at the end of the two weeks.

Malaria pills

Mosquito net

Mosquito repellant

Ginger snacks

Casual business attire for hot humid weather

Etc…

Had no choice but to gamble on the typhoid medicine. Apparently you are supposed to take it two weeks prior to visiting areas with Typhoid. I have to admit, I do not feel well versed in the conflict situation going on in the Mindanao area, but it is impossible to be 100% prepared. Naturally I am excited, and occasionally dramatic thought of danger pops into my mind, but when is life ever not dangerous? I leave tomorrow evening and have butterflies in my stomach thinking about it. I am unbelievably excited to be in a new land, and receive guidance and support in researching the conflict, and peace efforts being made. I have no idea what to expect despite being told we would be meeting with lots of organizations. I don’t think Ill sleep very much tonight.