In my bitter-sweet childhood days, the words “freedom” and “independence” represented the crux of my troubles. I knew that it was not the kind of trouble I would get in when I would scribble on the pink painted walls of my bedroom, eat unripen fruit from my grandmother’s garden, or turn off the TV while my dad was anxiously watching the news. To my understanding at that time, my family’s forced mandate to leave behind everything we had built in our hometown and move to Albania as refugees was solely to be blamed on the cry for freedom and independence from Serbia. Little did I know at the time that being refugees was not a decision made of freewill… it was a must, as our country was on the verge of war.

Even though I was very young and did not have the reasoning capability of an adult, I could sense the tension around me and my family. In the midst of palpable terror and fear, I managed to find peace in self-teaching myself ballet. Despite my mental state, ballet initiated a renaissance within me. Through ballet, the chaotic scenes of fear and terror were balanced by the beautiful, slow and synchronized movements of my body. Dancing allowed me to hide in a perfect shell, built from pirouettes and fouettes. Although I had no formal instructions, ballet enabled me to escape to a self-constructed free world that everybody in the refugee camp pined. I was no longer confined by the gravity of our situation; I had found my freedom in dance.

My parents had always been supportive, but when I shared my desire to take ballet classes, I was surprised by their response. I wanted to take ballet, not solely for my enjoyment but also be part of a group. Despite my hopes, my parents softly explained to me that they could not afford to sign me up; however I should continue pursuing it on my own and they can borrow some DVRs from the public library. I felt devastated and unloved! How could they not help me pursue “the dream of my life”? That’s what parents are for!

This devastation intensified when I found out that a few days later that my dad had signed me up for private English classes that cost even more than ballet lessons. I grew up in a bilingual environment of Albanian and Italian, so I did not need an academic introduction to learn a language. I learned Italian mostly playing in streets with friends and watching my favorite cartoons. Why did I need a third language, especially in a country where nobody knew English? I asked this question over and over to my dad and I remember him replying: Americans are our friends and one day we will go there! I asked if I would take ballet classes there and he replied: YES! It was the biggest yes I had ever heard from him.

This promise motivated me to attend all my English classes and try hard to learn the language. It was not an easy process as English was not a common language in a post-communist country like Albania. Majority of people spoke Russian as it was the foreign language taught in schools.

Many of my friends who attended ballet classes would comment on how much they enjoyed it and how one day they will be performing in prestigious academies such as the Bolshoi Ballet Academy. I secretly envied them but I always remember my father’s promises. Although he never kept his promise, I started liking my English class and my teacher as well. I became friends with a lot of my classmates and we would practice every other day. Another companion to this journey was my father as he would push me to learn new words on weekly basis. The English course was useful for teaching grammar rules however; it was my father who would always make sure I fully utilized all the available resources. He even bought an Albanian-English dictionary and would ask if I knew random words. Although some of those words were outdated and my father spoke no English, he tried to do his very best to help me.

Ballet remained one of my unfulfilled dreams however; I accepted the reality as I was used to not having everything I wanted. I lived as a refugee in Albania where security and food were my family’s primary concerns. It would be very selfish of me to ask for something that my parents could not afford and see a payoff. I know that such decisions were not easy for them and now I realize that my parents’ guidance to take English classes was the best decision as it opened many doors for me. I am getting an education in the US, visited many interesting places and met many people from different cultures.

My family’s journey and the discipline I learned through ballet have served as my primary inspiration to work passionately and ethically to achieve my goals, no matter how big the obstacles along the way.  It has not been an easy journey, but today I can undoubtedly say: it was worth it. Through my experience, I learned how to work hard in order to achieve a higher personal and intellectual status and how important it is to not take things for granted. I attribute everything that I have come to know and sought to discover to my family and to my passion for ballet.