Swim Team Heads to the Pool

Today around 4 p.m., the mysterious student organization known as the Middlebury College Swimming & Diving Team is heading to the Natatorium, otherwise known as the ‘pool.’ After they arrive, the so-called ‘swimmers’ will go to the ‘locker rooms’ and change into their ‘swimsuits.’ It is rumored they will wear ‘swimsuits’ of a rather aerodynamic nature. “After changing,” says local expert John Phelps (cousin of ‘swimming champion’ Michael Phelps), “the so-called swimmers will enter the ‘pool.’ They will then probably proceed to make a series of gestures with their hands and legs, creating a forward locomotion that will send them from one side of the ‘pool’ to the other. They will then repeat this numerous times until their ‘coach’ says it is time to leave.”

As of press time, nobody understood what any of this meant.

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