I just got back from my Creative process class and the performance of the personal songs we had to create and demonstrate. During one of our classes the previous week we did a series of free writing samples. Our task this time was to use almost randomly extracted stanzas out of these pieces of writing and create a song out of it.
Now that it is finished I can not help it but feel bad about it. And it’s not that I was that bad. It is just that I wasn’t as good as I thought I could be. And once that I was feeling unsatisfied with myself, all sorts of self-abasing thoughts made their way through me.
So, I ask myself: if I know that I’m not just this or that, but all of it and everything in between , then why do I still put more emphasis on one and not the other. Why do I want to control it so much? Why all of this, when I have already been through all of this and may be even beyond…
And this time I leave the questions unanswered. I want to face my weakness and not disguise it in positiveness and affirmations.