In a last minute press conference on Tuesday, director James Cameron announced that he will take all the money he made off of Avatar to create his own theme park. “I’ve thought long and hard on how best to spend all this,” said Mr. Cameron, speaking from atop a pile of money that spread for ten miles in each direction. “And I figured I should use it in a way which everybody could enjoy. What could be better than a theme park based around me?”

Mr. Cameron, a director known for such films as The Terminator, Aliens, and Titanic, became one of the richest men in the world when his latest film, Avatar, was released in December. Since its release, the science fiction epic’s profits have continued to grow at an exponential rate, allowing Mr. Cameron to think big when it comes to his theme park. Titled James Cameron: The Theme Park, it will be built on the moon by robot slaves. Visitors will be able to reach the park via space shuttles provided by NASA, which Mr. Cameron purchased from the United States government three weeks ago. Rides planned for the park include the ‘Cameron Coaster,’ the ‘James Cameron Retrospective River Ride,’ and the ‘Kathryn Bigelow Is A Stupid Bitch Merry-Go-Round.’

Response to Mr. Cameron’s announcement has been unilaterally positive, as the director has given cash-filled chests to anybody who attempts to protest.