In accordingly with Leibowitz’s new financial plan, condoms will no longer be readily available as they have been in recent Middlebury history. The Health Center will not only be closed but hermetically sealed on weekend. Condoms will therefore only be accessible at condom release stations, located at various locations around campus (McCullough’s backstage, Library single-occupancy bathrooms, the golf course, Old Chapel, Battell). Condom release stations will look like a computer with keyboard, in which you must enter the following information:

Name:
Age:
Name of Accomplice:
Age of Accomplice:
Amount needed:
Location of disposal:

Each condom will cost $0.25, and every student will be allotted $10 per semester. A proposal to offer financial aid to diagnosed sex addicts and especially attractive people from impoverished backgrounds is under committee revision.