Training Day… At Middlebury

When Jane Hoyt, ex-Vermont state trooper, awoke on the morning of Friday September 19th, she eagerly anticipated her new job in the Department of Public Safety at Middlebury College.

“Well I thought it would be a good way to bide time before retirement, you know make a few extra bucks, still be active, get out there and keep some kids safe. But Jeezum Crow! It was hardly what I expected it to be.”

Officer Hoyt was assigned during her training period to head narcotics investigator Alonso Harrison.

“Well frankly I was puzzled at his title,” remarked the 63 year old native Vermonter. “I didn’t think an institution as small as Middlebury’s public safety would even have a narcotics department.”

Well she was wrong. Dead wrong.

Alonso Harrison had made a name for himself on the greens of Middlebury College as the most ruthless detective on the entire staff – a man who rarely followed procedure. An anonymous student claimed: “One minute your copping an eighth and the next, there’s Alonso standing over you with a citation yelling ‘King Kong ain’t got shit on me!’ Frankly I think that’s just a little too fucking intense.”

But far be it from a pothead to offer any valid insight on the justice system.

Trainee Hoyt also had some comments to add about the unconventional manner Officer Harrison conducted himself with: “Well certainly I was surprised when he introduced himself to me. He was out of uniform and wore his name-badge on a chain around his neck. Also as opposed to the standard flashlight issued upon arrival at the Department of Public Safety, he opted to use two nickel plated ones. Besides that I’d say that the next oddest thing was that instead of walking on patrol he insisted on driving everywhere in his black 1979 Chevrolet Monte Carlo low-rider. Jeezum Crow! Sure was some strange business!”

Strange indeed. And Hoyt’s introduction to Harrison’s brand of security in this quaint Vermont campus only grew more bizarre.

“Well we were driving up to Battell and I noticed that immediately someone had opened up a window and a flurry of orange crumbs were drifting out in the open air. Well then, Mr. Harrison just turned to me and said, ’That’s Cheeze-It dust. It’s to let people know I’m here.’”

The All-Freshman housing in Battell is infamous for its open disregard for the rules and regulations put forth by Middlebury and routinely has the most citations per capita for any dorm on campus. Roving gangs like the B2C Killah Bees, The B1N Bloods, and perhaps the most notorious and ironically named, the Third Floor Nuns routinely show disdain for the Department of Public Safety. But not for Alonso Harrison. To him they show respect.

Jane Hoyt offers some insight on that: “Well me and Mr. Harrison were just walking through Battell, making the rounds you know, when I see two young fellahs openly smoking a funny smelling cigarette in the hall, and well Jeezum Crow! You know I know what that is. And I think Mr. Harrison is gonna show me how we treat a situation like this but no, he just walks up to them and takes a puff for himself. Well, I was just shocked and then he offered me some and I was just shocked some more. He just started laughing and said ‘If someone offers you something in Battell, you take it,” then his voice got real low and grave ‘cause if you don’t you might just offend somebody. This is chess Jane, not checkers.’ But then he turned on the whole jovial act again and asked his two stoner buddies where they got that cigarette from. They were silent at first but then Mr. Harrison just stopped smiling and they told him real quick. They said room 208 just upstairs. Next thing I know we barge into this kid’s room, him still half asleep, and Mr. Harrison is going all crazy rummaging around, until finally he opens up a drawer and takes out a good sized bag of the funny smelling stuff and well what I guess now what must’ve been some hundred of dollars and tosses the bag back to the kid and just says thanks, putting the money right in his own pocket.  Well I was just shocked once again and all I could think to tell you the truth was Jeezum Crow! This can’t be how it works.”

Unfortunately this is how it works. Especially for Alonso Harrison who unbeknownst to Jane Hoyt had an outstanding debt to the Middlebury Quidditch cartel with only the next 24 hours to pay them back. The day continued in a similar manner for officers Harrison and Hoyt, Harrison busting into the multitudes of dealer’s dens that exist in the Battell housing projects and confiscating what he deemed to be drug money. Eventually Hoyt, realizing that something was most certainly up, protested to Alonso Harrison that surely he was not fulfilling his duty as a member of Public Safety. After her impassioned speech, the residents of Battell fell in with Hoyt, no longer sitting back accepting Harrison’s misconduct. Hoyt brought the confiscated money back to the Department of Public Safety as evidence while Harrison, fleeing to the Burlington airport, was intercepted by two Bludgers and dealt with – Slytherin style.

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