What is the meaning of life? (part one)

(Note to the reader [if there ever is one]: I’m never sure how much personal information to reveal in a blog, but I know the blogs I like best are those that are the most personal. So, I’ve decided to just say what I want to say. I hope you find it interesting.)

From what I can tell, most people find meaning in their lives by raising children. Early in my life, I chose not to go down that road and, perhaps as a result, a good many of my thoughts over the years have focused on what is important to me, what is my purpose, and “what is the meaning of life?”

As a child, I had a fervent desire to be a veterinarian and heal animals. That lasted through the first three years of college, until I served some time in a veterinary clinic and found that a) vets get peed on and b) vets in private practice spend far more time and energy running a business than they do healing animals. I changed my major to Physics.

In graduate school, I thought my purpose in life was to pursue theoretical physics to unimaginable frontiers. Then I realized that involves a) reading a whole lot of dry, boring academic literature and b) getting funding from the Department of Defense. (At least at that time [early 1980s], there was little if any research in Physics that wasn’t funded by the DOD. I could not compromise my ideals that far.) Besides, while my math skills are much better than average, they aren’t good enough for high-powered theoretical physics.

I landed a job as a process engineer for a semiconductor manufacturer and, after a couple of years, decided that learning how to design biomedical equipment must really be my purpose in life. I was mapping out some steps to start in that direction when I was laid off. (I rationalize that since there were two rounds of layoffs before my turn came, I wasn’t totally incompetent.)

Then, in October 1985, I got a brief reprieve from my lifelong search for purpose when I had one of the few experiences that I can categorize as mystical. A brief summary of the end of the experience: “God, if I believe in you, does that mean I have to start reading the Bible? That’s a rule, right – to believe in God you have to read the Bible?.“ My god of that moment responded:

“There’s only one rule – have fun!”

If one can have a personal motto, this is mine (though you might not be able to tell given the tenor of this blog).

Still, my search for meaning continued. To some extent, the search for purpose and meaning has been “fun.” Certainly if I’d found a purpose, THAT would have been fun! In the early 1990s, that journey led me to the work of W. Edwards Deming.

I was so compelled by Deming’s work that I wrote a manuscript for a book (rejected by a few publishers) titled Quality of Life that applied Deming’s fourteen points (modified and condensed to seven) to handling personal relationships. One of the chapters was titled “On Purpose” and described the importance of finding and having a purpose in life. While I was writing it, I thought proselytizing the importance of maintaining good personal relationships was my purpose in life. I remain convinced that relationships with other people should be the focus of our lives, but it became clear that I’m not particularly good at “proselytizing”.

As time went on, I tried harder and harder to find some purpose that would give my life enduring meaning. This became more important to me once I found myself in a job that seems anything but enduringly meaningful.

This more or less sums up the first fifty years of my search for meaning. In the last couple of years, though, things have taken a different direction. I’ll probably post something about that once I’ve sorted out what I want to say.

2 thoughts on “What is the meaning of life? (part one)

  1. Tara Vaughan-Hughes

    Arabella, I like it! It seems your purpose in life is to question, as well as to have fun. Please continue!

  2. Pingback: Arabella's ponderings · What is the meaning of life? (part two)

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